The Older I Get......

This past weekend over lunch at Pei Wei....LOVE, LOVE, LOVE the pad thai noodles vegetarian style...I asked Ryan what he wanted for Christmas, and he responded with "You with a Santa hat on"...men....and then he asked me the same question. It's weird. The older I get, the less I want. I honestly cannot think of anything I want, that I do not already have. I love Christmas for the kids and seeing their faces as they open their gifts, but if I had to think of something, I would say....I wish I could have met Ryan's mother before she passed away... 

What about you? If you could ask for anything, what would it be?

So Thankful...

So much to be thankful for....

• Our children...They are precious, loving, and compassionate of others. I love the way they help each other when one needs it...The bond between our 4 boys is immeasurable.
• My husband...He's all that I prayed for and more. I am continuously amazed by this man.  As a very close friend said the other night at dinner, our chemistry is "amazing and rare."
• My parents...They have been such incredible role models in my life. They have taught me to finish what I start, hold myself responsible for my choices, and set my goals high because I am capable of acheiving exactly what I set out to do.
• My in-laws...These 2 people are such a blessing to our family. No words can express my respect and gratitude for them.
• My brother and sister and their kids...I cannot imagine without them...
• My friends...They're awesome!
• Food on our table and a roof over our heads...It seems silly, but there are people to whom this is a huge blessing or something they don't have at all.
• Happiness and contentment right where I am...

This time of year is all about reflecting on all the things we have to be thankful for!  It helps you realize how blessed we all are...

Uncharted Territory...

Last night I experienced a huge...for me it was huge...first as a mother when "The Teenager" attended his first middle school dance. He showered, gelled the hair, put on a freshly ironed shirt, layered on the cologne and asked me to please change my clothes...what? I had on jeans and my school shirt from work. He has never asked me to change my clothes before...this is completely uncharted territory. I cooperated with his request until he was satisfied with my selection, Ryan gave him some last minute advice and money to pay for his "date", and I drove him to pick up Mia and meet her parents.

I am completely weirded out at this point...How did he get "here" so fast? As we approached her house, Austin took a deep breath...so nervous...and asked me to come up to the door with him. We rang the bell and Mia opened the door attempting to block her mother from coming out...desperately trying to avoid what she knew was coming next. Mia's mother and I exchanged introductions and I politely asked if I could take a few pictures. Her mother replied, "See, Mia! I told you it was okay to take a picture." The "couple" reluctantly agreed, and we headed inside the family room to capture a few momentous snapshots of this "first". This exchange brought back so many memories of the embarrassment of my own parents taking my picture with my date before school dances. The identical feeling was so very apparent in the body language and smiles strewn across their faces...

I have never seen Austin so shy...Check out the height difference...precious...Long story short, they had a blast, and I made it through like a veteran. I was so proud of my son as he opened the door for Mia and spoke so sweetly to her...Life is definitely in uncharted territory right now...

Not Ready...

I'm not ready....I am not ready for this little guy to grow up...my last baby...my last baby...That is so hard to say sometimes. I was thinking tonight about the noise level in the house and how much I love it. The sounds of toys, tiny voices still innocent...the bottles of tear-free shampoo...the miniature clothes, the "first time" discoveries, the moments early in the morning when my little ones are so glad to see me. All of these things will eventually disappear as they have already done with "the teenager". They are then replaced with...sweaty, stinky gym clothes, requests to be taken to the mall to see movies with friends, "Don't kiss me in front of my friends", "Will you teach me how to slow dance with a girl, Mom?"....That's what "the teenager" asked me tonight. We just don't realize how fast the years go by until they're gone.

Carter...my last baby... with his friends Allie and Braden...=)

Questions...

This morning in the car, I was listening to a segment on a morning show called "It Sucks To Be Me" where people call in and tell a quick story describing an incident which eventually leads to the reason why it "sucks to be them." Some of them where pretty funny....like the woman who had just bought a brand new car and hit a 300 pound wild boar on the way home from work and totaled her car...the girl who received a text message from a guy she had been dating, telling her that he had fun with her the night before, only she hadn't seen or spoken to him in several days...and the woman that went to the gas station to fill up her car, and when she got back in, she said to her husband, "Wow, it was a lot cheaper to fill our car up with diesel gas than unleaded!"...The husband responds, "But we don't have a diesel..."

So I was was all focused on the show, and Preston started asking me all kinds of questions. You know how when you're really listening to something, and your child starts talking to you, you do the whole, "Ya....uh huh...good" so that you can still hear whatever you were listening to, and you satisfy their need to receive a response? That's what I started to do when Preston was asking me questions, until I realized what he asking me. He was saying things like, "What makes a tornado?" I quickly told him it was the cold air moving in one direction mixing with the warmer air moving in another direction causing the funnel to form blah, blah, blah....okay back to the radio show....Then came, "What about an earthquake, and when they say, 'F5' on the weather when they talk about tornadoes, does that mean 'funnel', and why does God make tornadoes and earthquakes, and guns, why does God make guns?" Whoa, whoa, whoa....what? I had to turn the radio off and try to figure out what was going on in his sweet little brain. I could answer the question about the guns. I simply said that God doesn't make guns...people do, but I didn't know what to say about the tornadoes and earthquakes. I stumbled around and said something like, God makes the good and the bad weather...It's all part of life. Then he wanted to know why God would make bad things. The older the boys get, the harder the questions are to answer.

After we arrived at the school, I opened the door to get out of the car, and Preston said, "Mom, does it suck to be you?" Okay...I don't like that word coming out of his mouth, but it was too funny in the moment following all those questions. =)

Carter...

Yes, this is Carter sitting at my desk in my humble little classroom at 8:53 on a school day....today....this school day....He has pink-eye, which I discovered when I took him to school this morning. Ryan has a training at work today, so he cannot stay home with him, therefore the sweet lady in the front office is scrambling to locate a substitute for me. Yes....a sub....with only 4 teaching days left until my precious students...my babies...will be sharpening their #2 pencils and bubbling in all those tiny circles on the infamous TAKS test. Not a good day for me to have to take off, but what is a mother to do?

I Give Up...

Down at the very bottom of this post, you will see the dresser I bought 4 years ago from The Magic Moon which is an over priced children's boutique. The only reason I even entered the store many years ago to look at furniture was because I was temporarily INSANE. I was about 3 months pregnant with Carter...my last baby....and was so completely sure I was going to have a girl. With that glimmer of hope and after decorating 2 nurseries for boys, I decided I was going to go all out for this imaginary girl I assumed was growing in my belly. It was then that I fell in love with...


This:
This:


And this:

Once I received the news that another player for my basketball team was making a comfortable little home inside of me, I told myself...FORGET IT, I AM BUYING THAT RIDICULOUSLY OVER PRICED FURNITURE ANYWAY...Now look at it...

Notice how Preston has carved his name into the front of the dresser?! Are you kidding me!?? I have no idea when he did this or what possessed him to do this....

I give up on nice furniture until the kids until the get a little older...

Wednesday Randomness...

I have discovered that the more children you have, the more opportunities for random laughter abound you. Two random moments from this morning:

1. As a result of having so much fun at practice last night, Carter slept in his soccer socks. He obviously took them off for his bath this morning, but when he came back downstairs after getting dressed, he was wearing his entire uniform...cleats and all. I desperately tried to convince him to at least take off the cleats, but to avail. It was one of those moments I decided to pick and choose my battles, and the soccer uniform won...I did send a pair of regular shoes and socks for when his feet start hurting later. =)

2. On the way to school, we were listening to a segment called, "Mad Moms in Minivans" on a local morning show, and Preston said, "This game is actually the same concept as Family Feud, Mom." He's such a little man...

I Must Be Insane...

The email I received:

"Good morning, my name is Kathy Phillips and I am a volunteer with PSA Soccer. Marianne sent out a note last week asking for a coach. The good news is that out of 15 teams that needed coaches, only 1 team remains without a coach. The bad news is that team is the one your child is assigned to."

The email I responded with:

"If you don’t have any volunteers, I will step up, and my husband can help me! =)"

The response I received:

"We have someone that stepped up to coach! Thanks...
She will be contacting you after the coaches meeting tonight.

Kathy"

What was I thinking? Am I insane? This should be interesting...

Don't Want To Know...

I came home from work yesterday, and Austin was no where to be found. I knew he made it home from school because his bike was in the garage. Ryan proceeded to inform me that he was asleep in his room....Two hours past....Ryan and I played Candyland with Carter and Yahtzee with Preston, cooked dinner, put away laundry...he finally appeared around 6:45, just in time for dinner, clad only in his underwear and a blanket wrapped around his newly formed muscular body. I say "newly" because these "things"....real-live adolescent muscles...have recently materialized all over "the teenager". He said hello, played with the dogs, and disappeared for a quick bath before dinner was actually served.

This napping after school is becoming a daily ritual for Austin...further solidifying his approach into puberty...ouch...That word was even hard for me to type...Once the boys ate dinner, the kitchen was cleaned, dessert was consumed, and teeth were brushed, Ryan and I put Carter and Preston to bed, and Austin departed for ANOTHER bath! Okay...he just took one before dinner...not even 45 minutes ago! Ryan and I collectively shook our heads, and retired downstairs for some alone time. About 20 minutes later, we were sitting in the family room conversing about the logistics of the day and future plans, and Austin came down to hang with us for a bit as he does every night. We have had some pretty interesting, eye opening discussions with "the teenager" during the hours of 8:00-10:00 PM...extremely entertaining...He told us a story about something he said to his science teacher that made him laugh and that his "girlfriend", Mia, thought was very funny, you know how it is, and he went back upstairs. Ryan and I reconvened our conversation, and I stopped in my tracks....I heard running water for the 3rd time. It was Austin in the bath again....Really? I have decided to let Ryan handle this, and I do not want know what he is doing in there...and I don't know how I am going to make it through all 4 of these boys turning into teenagers...

Frustration, Disappointment, Sadness and Guilt...

I don't think I will ever get used to my boys leaving for several days at a time to go to their dad's. I won't lie and say it isn't wonderful having alone time with my sweet hubby...every couple should have the opportunity to reconnect and focus on their relationship every now and then...I bet it could save a lot of marriages...and having some peace and quiet for a few days is rejuvenating. However, I hate that my boys are starving for more time with their dad and can't have it due to his schedule. This is heavily weighing on my heart this morning after watching Preston cry on the way to school while telling me he wants to "see Dad more". If you know Preston, you know the child doesn't talk about how he feels about anything. He holds emotions bottled up inside regardless of me trying to encourage him to express himself, so for him to cry, it must really be bothering him.

Ryan and I have worked very hard to make a family together, and the boys have even given us a name...the Solawatts...Their last name is Watts, and now mine is Soladay so they combined the 2...and we have both made a conscious effort to make sure they never feel as if their dad comes second. Divorce is coupled with so much frustration, disappointment, sadness and guilt, and there are days I feel the effects more strongly than others. I guess today is one of those days...

Our sweet boys at our wedding...

"The Teenager"

It was nice having the day off yesterday...BUT...and I will repeat loud and clear....BUT...my oldest son, I'll simply refer to as 'The Teenager", drove me absolutely nuts!

Let's back up about 13 years ago...I vividly remember standing over his crib with my mother, in the wee hours of the morning, only a few days after giving birth to him, staring in awe at the tiny human being, a part of me, I was his only source of nutrition, totally dependent on me, tears in my eyes, and saying, "I cannot imagine ever getting angry with him..."

Fast forward almost 13 years...I am completely sure that my mother was laughing under her breath that night because she had been there and done that. She knew I would face trials and tribulations with Austin. She knew there would be days where I would be willing to sell him to the lowest bidder, or ingeniously set him out in front of the house with a sign that says "Free to a good home", but instead, she chose to keep silent, let me enjoy the innocence of a new mother, appreciate those tender moments between mother and child.

Yesterday was NOT one of those days full of tender moments...It started with finding him outside in shorts, banging on the gutters so the ice would fly out the bottom...right outside the neighbor's windows...The neighbors who were probably still asleep. From that point on, my patience level was short, and his activity level and attitude level rapidly increased. Can you imagine if children were born as teenagers, and we never had all those precious years leading up to that point? My mother told me that the way she made it through our teenage years was by remembering Proverbs 22:6 --- "Train a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not turn from it." If it weren't for this, I promise you he would have ended up on eBay or Craig's List yesterday!

Moral of the Story...

I don't know why the "bad" part of me seems to come out at approximately the same time each day, but it does. My mother always called it the "witching hour"...the time when all mothers begin to feel the effects of the day. Perhaps it is brought on by a whiny 4-year-old crying about his brother taking away his Chewbacca toy or Backugan ball, perhaps antagonized by the glass of wine that seemed like a relaxing idea at the time, or maybe...maybe it's a lack of patience brought on by every single child calling my name at the same time, for a different reason, needing something "very important" right at that moment...no way they're waiting until I am done doing what I happen to be doing. Whatever the reason, it happens...and then he walks through the door, home from work, and life is suddenly good again...and that "door" I wrote about yesterday...slams shut, and I'm happy right where I am.

Moral of the story...
Enjoy your blessings, enjoy today, enjoy EVERY moment...

Children Are Like...

There is a saying which states: "If you don't like the weather in Texas, wait a few minutes, and it will change." This morning I decided that children are like the weather in Texas, and for some odd reason, mulling over that statement helped me get through the whining which lasted for 15 minutes in my bathroom. Seriously, is it necessary for a 4 year old to throw himself on the ground, use his legs to turn himself around in circles while on his side and whine about being cold and wanting his blanket, when what he is supposed to be doing is taking a bath? In order to keep from losing my mind, I just kept telling myself...Give him a few minutes, and he will get over it...just like the weather in Texas...and he did...

Have You Ever...

Have you ever stepped out of the shower, dried off and realized you still have the shampoo in your hair? That was me this morning...I hope this wasn't an indication of what today will be like...Happy Thursday!

Things I Love...

More random thoughts from me. I was thinking about things while I was drying my hair...I do that a lot, and I decided to make a list of things I love. Why...because it makes me feel good! =) Feel free to chime in with the things you love...I would love that!

I love...

- the smell of coffee in the morning
- when I find a good bargain
- listening to Carter sing "Don'tcha wish your girlfriend was hot like me!?"
- finding sweet notes from my hubby left for me to discover
- when my parents tell me they're proud of me...We never stop being their children...
- helping Austin write a poem for his "girlfriend"...this was last night..."Mom, what rhymes with pretty?"...shows his sweet little heart
- having a big family
- reading a good book...currently reading my favorite author's new one: Testimony by Anita Shreve
- lazy days around the house
- when one of my students tells me they missed me over the break =)
- buying new school supplies at the beginning of the school year....weird...I know
- watching Preston nervously introduce himself for the daily announcements in front of the whole school
- watching all 4 boys jumping on the trampoline together
- this...=)

What I Would Like To Do...

Carter and I were in our usual spots...me on the computer and Carter, immersed in a Dora game...NickJr.com...his current favorite...on the laptop next to me...and Austin walked in to talk to me about something. I had to snap a quick pic...his looks are changing so much. What I would like to do is wrap him up, put him in a little box and keep him there until he's...I don't know....21?!

Love this kid...

Seriously...

One of the things I remember from my teaching courses in college was if the students are engaging in SSR....Sustained Silent Reading...then we should join in and read as well, and if they are writing, then we should do so too....therefore, since my students are writing, I will appropriately utilize this opportunity to vent....let it all out...release my anixety...pout...On the way to drop Carter off at preschool this morning, I am preparing myself for the drama I am assuming will unfold when I walk him into his classroom due to the fact he hasn't been in over 2 weeks. As we're pulling up, Carter says, "Oh, man! Seriously...are you kidding me! Logan isn't here yet, and I miss Logan. It takes him forever to get dressed, so I know he won't be here today!" Okay...he's 4...I love it, and I am laughing to myself. I open my door to get out, and Carter says, "No, Mom! I can walk myself in!" What....Did I hear him correctly? He doesn't NEED me!? I told him that I had to walk him in the front door...so I did...and he turned around and said, "Okay, you can go now. Love you."

I realize my boys are getting older, but Carter is only 4...Where have all the years gone? In 3.5 years, Austin will get a driver's licence, in 5.5 years he'll be leaving for college...Okay...I have to stop there...Wow...I thought you were supposed to feel better when you let it all hang out...I think I feel worse...

I Have Realized...

Carter and I were playing together after dinner tonight....with his Star Wars "clone guys" of course...and he said, "Mom,"...and by the way, it kills me that he doesn't call me "Mommy" anymore..."I wish you were my age, so you could be my girlfriend and play with me like you were my age." It made me sad to think that I am nearing the end of the road of those types of innocent conversations because of their ages. I look at my boys...and they're all getting so big. No more diapers, pacifiers, onesies, crib sheets or nursing bras...actually, I am happy to be rid of those...but in reality, my babies are no more. It is cliche to say, but they grow up so fast. I have realized I sound just like my mother right now, and I look at that as a rite of passage. =)